I have been looking at all the pregnancy recourses that are online... Still none of them can agree on what the size of my baby is. At thirteen weeks though they have all agreed that I am out of the danger zone and are free to tell my family, friends and co-workers... Well I can understand why someone might not want to tell people before their first trimester is over... But if no one knows you're pregnant then how are you going to cope if you do have a loss. I have only had experience (luckily) with one person very close to me with a miscarriage. If I hadn't known that Toni was pregnant in the first place how much of a hardship for her to go through that with no one knowing and then to announce that they were pregnant and then to say they lost the baby??? I never understood why so many people keep their lives a closed book. Especially to family. I agree that under certain circumstances that it's necessary, but the average family is disfunctional. At least in my experience and what I have been told from friends about their family. I wish that everyone would live with an open mind to sharing. How are we best to grow together as a family if we are all keeping secrets, or have unresolved issues??? I am glad to have the family that I have. It was hard at times while I was growing up. I could not see the wonderful plan that God has laid out for me. Talking to my mom last night helped me realize that we all wish that we could change our past. But as I look back now giggling, I can definitely say the the good outweighs the bad. I have many more fond memories growing up in that house on Shaver Street than I have of memories I wish to forget. Each one has or will teach me something. I hope to someday share them with my children.

Natalie always the curious asks everyone to "tell me a story about when you were little" It's hard to think of one that I think she'll understand or be amused with. How can you tell your niece a store of when you were little when it's strange to think that you are "grown up"? Even Alyssa who has three children I can still see as a teenager playing her Michael Jackson Thriller or Cindy Lauper record in her bedroom. She would let us (Toni and I) come in her room and we would dance in front of the big mirrors in front of her closet. Plastic bangles and ratted hair... Bop magazine pictures plasterd on her wall... Oh how cute Cory haim was and how cute cory feldman wasn't... Watching "Three Amigos" over and over and singing "My Little Buttercup" during that part in the movie. "who are these monkeys??" I still say that all the time and no one gets it 'cept my family. And that's what I love about it. Our spouses are starting to transform into Roush's but it will take a long time yet, Mom still is adapting to how strange we are... I think we came out that way.